Realities

the blackbirds are walking
by my window
talons against the concrete
they scour the earth
looking for crumbs,
for seeds, for worms.

I want to be a bird,
where life is
carefree, full of
wishing wings
and flying,
but I have two legs
crawling
against the stones,
knees bloody,
I am searching for home.

today they gather,
rummaging through grass,
laughing, and i
lament what never was;
can't push myself
into their smiles;
not today.
it stings like
the lashes of a
thousand jelly fish
and i sit
smoking numbness
in the absence. 

i am a solitary smile,
an angel visiting,
passing people's skin,
soaking their
madness in;
they walk on
giddy and free,
and i run for the trees.

don't want the lies
to compliment me,
yet i dance
in their raindrops
like it's the last water
that will fall on my tongue;
like it's the last time
I'll be undone,
and when the clouds
drift past the sun
i sit in puddles
alone and stunned.

there are crayons
on the sidewalk,
pieces of children
scrawling lines of chalk,
happy faces,
moon beams,
creature things,
and i want to
put on my dress,
my patent shoes,
take my loneliness
and ask them to play,
so i can know just once
what a little girl
feels like happy.

i close my fists
to my sides
dig my fingernails in
push through my smile,
bury the truth
inside of the silence,
passing aggressively
i wait for them to leave,
wait for them to tire,
as they always have;
i lean back in my chair
alone in the familiar,
where the feigning
becomes similar.

the Devil could get me
if he flattered me enough.

~vennie~

copyright @ dbv publishing 2011